An episode of Buffy made me cry because these lesbian witches got in a fight and before they could make up, a demon sucked out one of the witches brain and made her crazy. I don't want that to happen to you without you knowing that I love you. But, I will never love you the same again. I am disgusted by your immaturity. Regardless if this decision was the best for our future, it warranted a conversation. You were extremely disrespectful to me, our relationship and our love. You never speak to anyone, not even me. You love to place blame on me saying I need help but you do, too. By any psychologists terms, you would be deemed a sociopath. You used to say you didn't need to talk because I did enough for the both of us and when I tried telling you how everyone thought you were quiet, you became defensive and offended. You don't talk to anyone. You have no friends. You barely talk to your best friend Caity, your mom or Lindsay.
I used to think what did I do wrong and now all I can think is why didn't she have the balls to talk to me? You are a coward. You've been thinking about leaving me since Thanksgiving. You want to talk about self-involved? You have one friend and she happens to hate me. You are so blindly loyal to your friends you can never see what is directly in front of you. Caity HATES me. She tolerates me because we are in a relationship. I bet she 100% supported your idea of leaving me without ever arguing the cons to your idea. I bet she was excited and told you that it was a good idea. What friend, what best friend, would ever tell you to give up on your true love? Not only has she never experienced a love like ours, she's straight. She couldn't possibly relate and she can't keep a man because she drives them away with her insecurities. So what could she possibly advise you on or provide any guidance in relation to the caliber of our love? Caity is nothing but another Vanise and yet again, you failed to keep her in check because for some reason you love seeing me torn down. You love it when others think less of me, are making fun of me, laughing at me. You always laugh with them at me or you provide them with more insight to my flaws to be made even more fun of. Stop talking to Caity about me! Talk to Yvette, Stefan, Lindsay - anyone else! Goodness, you are so blindly loyal to your friends and yet in all our years of friendship you have never once, not ever, shown me that loyalty.
In your mind, I have never been good enough for you. I'm tired of having to prove my worth and if we ever get the chance to be together again, it will be you proving to me that you're worthy of my time and love because I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am spectacular. You have a 1 in 6 billion chance of ever finding anyone like me and you let me go. No one has ever made me feel as worthless as you do. I am tired of others making me feel like I'm less than worthy. This is the second time you have said through your actions that I am not good enough for you. I am starting to believe it. More accurately, I am seeing I am too much for you. This is the second time you have broken my heart. You confused my sickness with weakness and believe me when I say, this will have been the biggest mistake of your life. I am not sitting here waiting for you. I am not living my life to prove to you that I am worthy of your love. Now, it will be up to you to prove that you are worthy of mine. Good luck.
Instead, I texted her, "Happy Valentine's Day."
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